One of the first things that Father told me after we found out about my loved one’s terminal cancer diagnosis was this: it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey. He told me that the journey we would go on as a family would be something that would draw us even closer together, and that it would be a precious thing, something that we would remember and cherish with a heart full of thankfulness and wonder, not a bitter memory that we would try to forget.   Society

I love walking in the dales and looking across the amazing patchwork quilt-like fields. Each field has a beautifully crafted dry stone wall as its border. Dry stone walls intrigue me. They have no cement to hold it together. Yet, a well-made wall can last up to 100 to 150 years. The builder starts with a good foundation, then chooses flat, wide stones and small stones to fill up the gaps. I found out that this technique is called hearting. I started thinking about walls in ge

Over the years, I have heard many stories about people who weren't able to be at their loved one's bedside when they died, and who battled with grief and sometimes even guilt, because they didn't get to say goodbye to them.   I thought about this a lot, and it really bothered me. The bottom line is that I can't guarantee I will be there when my loved one dies, because in the majority of cases, we can't pinpoint the time when they go to join their Father in heaven. Not being t

I arrived at the station in plenty of time for a hot drink and to use the facilities. As I exited the car, I got an alert on my phone. Your train has been cancelled. I needed to be at my destination at a certain time as I was supporting my friend at an appointment. I looked at the screen with the vast arrays of times and destinations and was baffled. Anyone who truly knows me knows that my sense of direction is appalling, so I didn’t want to choose a train that was going in t

II - Roses and Wrinkles     I am realising that death, or at least anticipated death, is changing my perspective on almost everything. For example, I was given some beautiful roses for my birthday. They are so lovely that I automatically leant forward to smell them, but found they had no fragrance at all. They looked like they should have had the most beautiful sweet aroma, but there was nothing …they smelt of nothing. Not bad, not sweet, just nothing. I'm told they are grown

Photo by John Price  on Unsplash I don’t actually stand at the front anymore. I stand at the very back of the room. Maybe I’m avoiding being seen. The jury’s still out on that. But week after week, I slip to the back, lean in, and watch—housed and unhoused, churched and unchurched, all turned toward a band I used to stand in front of. Now I’m behind everyone, quietly asking a question I never thought I’d have to ask: Have I spent years worshiping… or performing? I carry this

I'm on a journey at the moment. It's a hard journey, a journey full of pain and grieving, but also a journey which includes touches of beauty and moments of grace. Someone very dear to me was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and hasn't got very much longer to live on this earth, although thankfully, she has an eternity to live in heaven.   So why have I called my blog Fields of Grace? Well, last week I was worshipping God and praying about the situation and the journey

Well, this is it – the last Walking Through Wilderness blog! If you’ve been with me on this journey, whether for a short or long time, thank you. Thank you so much for sharing in and being a part of my story, my memories, my ramblings and revelations. My hope is that these blogs have helped inspire you to dig your own well and to press into God as your source of life, instead of looking to other people. Remember to celebrate the victories you’ve encountered, even the little o

At the start of the year, our beautiful town was hit with tragedy. We all carried the heaviness of the heartache. In times of pain and shock, it is so easy to blame God and ask the question, "Where was God?" "Why did He not stop this from happening?" These are questions that are not easily answered. In my own life, tragedy hit my own family with the death of my sister in a horrendous car accident. Friends would say to me “ How can you believe in a God now?” My reply has alway

Hello again! In the last few blogs, we’ve been looking at the subject of dreams and how, when you’re in a wilderness season, you can lose sight of your dreams. For me, the future became a scary, rather hopeless place. When you want to avoid any more disappointment, you will tend to shut down your dreams, goals, and any hopes for the future, and just focus on surviving one day at a time. That's what I did. I need to say at this point that, compared to millions of people all o

When you’re in a wilderness, the most natural mindset to adopt is one of survival. I talked about having a ‘survival mindset’ in my last blog, and today, we’re going to take that one step further. There is another way of thinking that is just as detrimental as a survival mentality, and which often goes hand in hand with it: a poverty mentality. These two negative ways of thinking are similar in that they both have an engrained mindset of helplessness. The survival mentality

Dear child, I’m inviting you to take some time with me. Life is so busy, and you quickly move from one thing to another. If your body isn’t moving, then your mind is racing with so many thoughts and worries I would love you to stop your hurrying and try and slow your racing thoughts and sit in a quiet place. Take a few moments and sit with me. Breathe in my peace. When we sit together, please don’t feel you have to say anything. Prayer isnt complicated. Just be still. Let th

Hi, and welcome back. Last time I shared with you about a traumatic experience I had at a creative seminar I attended. On that day, I realised that I no longer had any dreams, and that hope had been banished from my heart. Everything came crashing down; I was in shock. How had I let myself get into such a mess? I asked Holy Spirit that question, and He told me that I had been living in ‘survival mode’. Everything I did was subconsciously designed with the aim of just surviv

I remember feeling sick. A stone lay in the pit of my stomach, along with a sense of immense panic. What was wrong? Why couldn’t I do it? I was at a creative workshop, in a session focused on the power of our imagination and our ability to dream with God. The speaker used an analogy based on C S Lewis’s book “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”, brilliantly brought to our screens in the Chronicles of Narnia films. In the film, a large wardrobe was the doorway that led to a

Today, we bring to a close the theme of ‘Free to Be Me’. The process of understanding who we truly are, who God created us to be, is a long one. However, it is so wonderful when you get to the stage when you are able to say that you not only love who you are, but you actually like  yourself too! For many, many years, I couldn’t say that. I didn’t like myself. I sort of loved myself, because I was told that, if you’re a Christian, you must love yourself, otherwise you’re rejec

A new year begins. It's like opening a brand new journal. The fresh new pages waiting to be written in. What will this year bring? The word that I woke up with on the 1st of January was. Intentional The dictionary definition - To be intentional means to act with purpose, making deliberate choices and conscious decisions that align with your values, goals, and desired outcomes, rather than just letting things happen to you.   I want to live this life intentionally. To stop and

Hello again, and I hope you've had a great start to your new year! There are just a few more blogs left in the Walking through Wilderness blog series, and today, I want to continue our theme of ‘Free to be Me’ by drawing lessons from one of my favourite movies of all time – The Lord of the Rings. I’ve watched it countless times and yet, even now, every time I watch it, Father speaks to me, or shows me something new. It speaks deeply to my heart about the battle that rages, t

Stop looking backwards, start looking forward.   Recently, I have spent a lot of time looking back in time. I am a historian, so that is where my natural gaze goes. There is value in looking back, remembering what God has done, and celebrating his goodness. We share our testimonies of God’s actions in our lives to encourage each other to do it again in his power and favour. We also look back in order to examine ourselves. We look to see whether we have anyone to forgive, or t

I want you to imagine that you are locked in a room. It’s pretty dark, But you can see, even in the darkness, that the room is empty. Your hands are bound, but you can walk around. The door is barred. There are no windows. You don’t know how long you’ve been there, but you are ready to get out. You try to push the door, but it doesn’t budge. You sit defeated, thinking you will be forever bound to this dark, dismal room. There is no way of escape. After what seems like months,

Do you ever listen to what you say in your heart, to yourself? Have you noticed that throughout the day, you make statements about yourself? Let me give you an example: “I am exhausted.” Saying this when you feel tired can make it so and bring your mind, heart, soul, and body into agreement with that statement. You give in to it, submit to it, and reinforce it. Yes, for many of us, this is a reality of our lives, with all its pressures, expectations, and demands, and yes, we