My Walk with God

‘If anyone does not remain in me, he is thrown away like a branch. Withers and dies; and the branches and gathered, thrown into fire, and burned.’ John 15:6

We are branches that need to be attached to the vine.

This experience I’m still learning from right now. The experience being my relationship

with God. How he has been with me since birth, how I have left him for the world and how I am returning to him. My final message would be: we are nothing without him. We aren’t fully alive if we aren’t fully attached.

I guess thinking about it, I will start with my younger self. Me, when I was so motivated to spend time with God. To sit down and ask him about his day, He would ask about mine, I would ask for a Bible verse for him to speak to me through and so on. I would feel so close to his heart when I was snuggled up against my pillow, in my den I made earlier that day. I would be under a blanket kicking my feet; enjoying the time of closeness and laughter I had with him. My sister would be so close, just through her bed curtain. But I could only feel the warmth of Jesus’ arms around me. He was like my older brother that I had always wanted. Ok now don’t get me wrong, I love my older sister so much, but man I always wanted an older brother and once I got that close to Jesus, I knew he was gonna be him.

Then, going up to Glasgow with my family, I would always have my old MP3 player playing songs to worship and praise him, and I guess the odd Frozen song here and there. Wow, even writing this down. Remembering how close I was with him just makes me want to burst out in tears, and listening to mellow music isn’t really helping.

But sadly, I started to grow up. My love for him has never faded but now it seems to come and go. I have felt love in different way now with friends, family and even boys.

Which now brings me to remember my next story, which is much more recent. At a camp my friend had brought me to at the end of the summer 2024. And guess what the first thing I noticed was? Yup, a boy. But no, I was going to this camp to grow in a stronger relationship with God, not to gain a new one with a boy. I got unpacked and got ready to go to the first worship night of the week.

As I stepped into the hall filled so full of teenagers, I was hit with so much at once. The first being the smell (I mean what did I expect with this many teens), the lights on the stage and all around the room. They were so brilliant, almost encouraging kids to stand up and dance to the music that was also being played very loudly.

Throughout that whole worship night in that hall, I was drawn not just to God but also to the boy I noticed when I first arrived. This time though I felt like I was meant to be thinking about him, not like it was wrong to be thinking of him whilst also thinking about God. I shook it off though and just dismissed it.

Fast forward to the last worship night of the week and this boy and I are closer than we were at the start. Now this worship night was different from the others, I could just feel how this was gonna leave me changed.

It did. I was down. Face on the floor.

I knew that’s how I had to be. Totally given in. I couldn’t show my love for my saviour in any other way. Tears rolled down my face as the booms of the bass shook the ground beneath me. My heart ached as I shouted my praise to him. I didn’t want any of his attention. I didn’t deserve it, not one bit. As my eyes were blinded with seas of grief, glory and goodness, I lifted my head towards the bright lights ahead of me. I saw them all, all the children giving their all in worship, all the freedom being given to them, all the fear, loss and anxieties of people being lifted from them, and all the angels around us seeing the glory of the moment. My mind was free from my shame.

The shame of my last relationship. The guilt I carried evaporated. I jumped up and danced, beamed and worshipped.

Now as I write this, I am still free. I cannot even feel a morsel of pain from it. From this experience I now know just how dead I was before I gave it all to God. When I never talked to him personally. How I just used him as a way to feel good on occasion, but now I realise that without him I am not fully alive. Right now. Is the time for me to keep this up. To make this change in me stay. And I want to with all my heart, it is my biggest goal.

And this boy and I? He helped me be healed more. He showed me more of God’s love and how all men should love their wives (not that we are married yet but even still). He has brought me even closer to God and now we are walking along Gods path together.

That summer was one of the best experiences of my life, that has changed me in more ways than I thought were possible. So now all I can do is tell people the truth. Tell people my testimony and how leaning and trusting in God is the best thing for any person. Having a strong and loving relationship with him is what keeps you from being broken off, thrown away and burned.