Peter and John

There were two middle-aged men who came from similar backgrounds, both brought up in middle-class families with high expectations for their children. One was called Peter, and the other was called John, not their real names, of course, but it serves a purpose to call them those names.

Peter and John lived very different lives: John was happily married to his wife of 25 years, whereas Peter was not. Both had children, but not all were close, especially on Peter’s side. They did their best to raise their children and navigate life, though each had a different outlook.

Peter could be described in one word: “Striver”. He had striven all his life and was never satisfied, always looking to improve the things around him. Even when he had done an amazing job, he still saw the tiny imperfections, which got his back up. Never content, never at rest, and always a mess of anxious energy that was difficult to be around. With a failed marriage, estranged kids, and a stressful job that didn’t earn enough to sustain his lifestyle, he looked desperately for a solution to the problems he faced. Still, having no idea how to, he withdrew into himself and beat himself up.

Listening to the constant, abusive voices in his head that told him how useless, a failure, and screwed up he was, Peter became depressed and despondent. The hopes he had for his life had gone up in smoke, and he had slipped into hopelessness; he even considered ending his life at various times, but couldn’t bring himself to do so.

And then he met John. It was one of those coincidences that come suddenly and unexpectedly, changing the course of life. They met in a cycle shop when Peter had walked past the shop window and gazed in at all the new bikes displayed there. He had done some cycling in his youth and had loved the freedom of riding, but life had got in the way, and his bike had rusted away in the back of the garage. But looking at these new bikes, so much better looking, all gleaming and striking, he was intrigued and stepped across the threshold of the store and entered a new world of possibilities. Falling in love with the thought of cycling, he looked upon them with longing, and when he put his hands on them, he was instantly hooked. “I must have one of these; this will change my life for the better,” he said to himself.

Then along came John, who had worked at the shop for many years and knew everything there was to know about bikes. He had cycled many miles throughout his life and loved being out on the open road, climbing steep hills or trudging along the roads less travelled. Cycling was in his blood, and he was never without a bike. Although he did own a car, he kept it in the garage most of the time, only taking it out when he couldn’t cycle to where he wanted to go. His wife was one of those very understanding, long-suffering women who stick by their men come what may, and they did enjoy their occasional tandem rides, with John doing all the work and she enjoying the scenery.

John, unlike Peter, was content with life after a nasty accident in which he crashed at speed whilst descending a steep hill and sustained serious injuries. During his recovery, he took stock of his life and came to have faith in Jesus after a nurse shared her faith with him. 

Through many months of painful recovery, John realised that life was too short to be obsessed with cycling and stepped back from the demands he had set himself. He realised his obsession stemmed from childhood trauma and from his parents’ demands that he do better at school and work. As he recovered, he rediscovered the joy of riding his bike. Although it took courage to get back on his bike, he was glad he did, because for the first time in a long time, he was able to enjoy the ride and experience more than just the road in front of him.

That morning, on his cycle to work, he had enjoyed hearing the birds sing and watching the clouds move, had seen the sunrise, and, in his own way, had given thanks to God for being alive and able to enjoy the nature he witnessed each day.

Peter and John hit it off straight away as John explained all about the bikes that Peter liked the look of. Through careful questioning, John was able to establish what kind of bike Peter would need for the type of cycling he would be doing, and therefore showed him a selection of road bikes.

Encouraging him to get an entry-level bike at an affordable price, John set him up with all the accessories and clothing he would need, and they went to the till to finalise the deal. Yes, it was a lot of money, but Peter could justify it, knowing it would do him good, and anyway, there wasn’t anyone else in his life to tell him it wasn’t a good idea. So, parting with his cash, he took the bike and other bits home, assembled it as soon as he got there, and looked at it with joy. The next day was the weekend, and he got up early, put on his newly acquired cycling gear, and took the bike out of the house for its first spin.

John, on his way home, reflected on his day, especially his interaction with Peter, and made a point of looking out for him to see how he was getting on with his new bike. Somehow, he knew the meeting was significant and that he would see him again very soon.

And so it was that Peter dropped into the shop to get some chain oil and some cycling glasses he had seen on his first visit. As the friends chatted, Peter told John how he had loved his first ride. He said, “I’ve been out on my bike every day since I bought it, and I have really got into it”. He continued, “I especially love finding a steep hill and pushing myself as hard as I can to get up it. I am so proud when I get to the top without putting my foot down.”  John gave him advice by saying, “It's good to put the effort in, but it’s easy to push it too hard, and overtrain. You don’t want to lose the joy and be too competitive”. John got the impression that Peter didn’t want to hear that and was pushing himself hard for some reason. He left it with him and said they had club rides on weekends that met at the shop at 9 am on Saturdays, if he fancied a group ride and wanted to socialise. He didn’t tell him that some riders were very competitive and would laugh at his entry-level bike and poor fitness levels, but the offer was there anyway.

Saturday came, and Peter was the first to arrive at the shop for the club ride, where he waited for the others. Before long, at least 30 had arrived, riding top-of-the-range superbikes that made his look tame in comparison. Being around all these super-fit athletes, he determined then and there that he would be like them and have the sort of bikes they had. He would put in the effort to make it happen as he thought it would make him a better person.

On that first ride with the club, he learned a lot about what to do and what not to do. There were moments when he was terrified, especially when they were travelling fast and close together, but at other times he was totally elated by the sheer enjoyment of it all. Engrossed in the conversations with Coffee and Cake afterwards, he had a chance to speak to John, who was working that day and unable to make the club ride. He said to John, “Thank you so much for telling me about the club. I’ve had such a good time,” and he really meant it. Peter then cycled home, tired and content, determined to reach his goal, whatever it took.

For various reasons, Peter and John didn’t meet for many months. John was busy at work, and Peter was focused on building his fitness. Then one day, Peter decided it was time to buy a better bike than the one he had and came into the shop, making a beeline for John. John could see immediately that Peter had lost a lot of weight and looked more like a lean cyclist, as his Lycra was a bit baggy and not as tight as it had been when he started.

“So how are you getting on?” John asked, and a typical conversation ensued between two cyclists that only cyclists could understand. John could see that Peter had become a fanatic, living and breathing cycling, knowing all his stats and times on the local hill climbs. Peter said, “I have come in to look at the featured bike in the window, the top-of-the-range, all-singing, all-dancing special addition, super-light, with the latest equipment and the beautiful paint job.” John said, “Yes, it's really nice, isn't it? But the price is enough to make the eyes water. Isn’t it out of reach?” Then John asked him a searching question, “Do you really need it?” But Peter had to have it and had set his heart on it.

John could see that Peter was striving to be the best rider of his age in the area, and said, “Should you perhaps ease up a little?” Peter replied, dismissing his caution, saying, “I am in the best shape ever and wouldn’t want to stop now, I’m having so much fun and love it when I beat my previous time up that steep hill outside town” John could see he was obsessed, but Peter didn't recognise it, as he was just enjoying himself and now lived to cycle.

John had seen this sort of obsession before; in fact, he had lived it himself and learnt the hard way. John hoped this wouldn’t be the case with Peter, but he feared Peter would make the same mistakes he had.

John watched Peter take his credit card and offer it for payment. John reluctantly took it, processed the payment, and said nothing for a moment, searching for the right words. “Take it easy and get used to it first before pushing it”, he said, “otherwise it will outlast you if you’re not careful.” He hadn't meant it to come out quite like that. Peter laughed. John just about managed a smile and reached out, putting his hand on his shoulder as he held the door open for him and his new acquisition.

That was the last time John saw Peter alive. A few days later, Peter suffered a fatal heart attack while riding up the Horseshoe Pass. It was a shock, but not a shock. John knew it was always going to happen, but Peter didn’t. His obsession had blinded him to the risks he was taking, and it ultimately took his life, sad as that was.

John, when he spoke at Peter’s funeral, recounted how they had met and how the cycling bug had taken hold of him. John shared with those gathered that he knew in his heart that it wasn’t really a bug but a weakness in Peter’s soul that craved recognition and love, and that was what had driven him to strive to be the best. The obsession had taken hold because of a wound in Peter’s makeup that demanded attention and approval. It was easy for him to feed it because he had ready access to what he needed to try to fill that need.  John told them that he knew through bitter experience that if it hadn't been cycling, Peter would have found something else to fill that void, be it alcohol, pornography, drugs or something else that neither satisfied nor filled the void.

John was sad to have lost a friend in such a way, but glad that he himself had escaped the obsessions when he met his Saviour, Jesus. He knew that humanity tends to tear itself apart and fail to fulfil its God-given purpose. He also knew that no obsession could ever fill the void in the soul or heal the wounds of life, and that any amount of striving wouldn’t either. And he thanked God that he had found The Way.