Symbiotic unraveling

There are moments when life feels like navigating a deep chasm. For me, recently, it's been a profound sense of being misunderstood—an unsettling gap that created significant tension. But then, in that very space, God brought a word I’d heard before. It wasn't just a general concept; it was a prophetic utterance spoken directly over me: "symbiosis."

At the time it was spoken three years ago, "symbiosis" was a word I didn't have a grid for. It simply floated without context. But in a single moment, everything clicked with startling clarity and delight. I now understand symbiosis as a close and often long-term interaction between two different biological organisms in which both can benefit. I'm sitting in the wonder of it, understanding how this interconnectedness speaks to my very design.

I've always known I carry a messenger heart. It vibrates with a deep current, a compelling urge to voice the whisper of God’s heart I hear in quiet spaces. It's an innate knowing, a truth demanding expression. For years, I leaned into this, pursuing it, investing in it, believing it defined me. Perhaps even the meaning of my name, Angela, quietly affirmed this calling to carry and bring light.

But a persistent agitation lingered, a hunger for something more. I often found myself in rooms overflowing with prophetic utterance, bubbling with revelation. My spirit would be at full percolation, ready to pour out, to go! Yet, there was often a sharp cutoff. The atmosphere felt content to simply "blow up another beach ball" of revelation and bat it around, never quite moving beyond the spoken word itself.

This felt like a deep irresponsibility to my own innate makeup. My being longed for that message to find its legs, to move into tangible expansion and freedom. It created a profound disconnect. While others seemed fulfilled by the declaration alone, my soul ached for the action, the strategy, the building. It never occurred to me then that, for the people in those rooms, there wasn't an access point beyond that expression--this revelation alone, has helped soften my heart.

I've also noticed how my "seeing" plays out differently. Where many gifted with insight speak of angels, demons, realms, and dimensions, my vision tends toward paths, synergy, and strategies. I see the invisible blueprints for growth and the intricate systems of freedom. This unique lens has always been part of my wiring but shouldn't be an indicator of what I'm not. 

The Ache for Action

This tension culminated in a particularly painful season, where a guiding voice, once meant for my growth, suddenly turned sharp, trying to strip me of who I knew I was. It was a cheap shot, a calculated cut meant only to wound. That piercing pain was devastatingly real for me.

But here’s the unshakeable truth I'm living: The fault for that wound lies solely with the one who inflicted it. Not with my worth. Not with my knowing. Not with the vibrant truth God is growing in me. What tried to diminish me simply revealed its own limitations, not mine. I realized I wasn’t shattered beyond repair; I was simply growing beyond the confines of what others could see or understand.

This experience has powerfully affirmed the need to make space for differences that play out like the multi-faceted nature of God. It's an opportunity to see Him more fully. We must take caution to avoid injuring one another by our lack of understanding how incredibly creative God is in and through each of us. As my very wise friend sparked, "It’s not better than; it’s other than!"

Settled Identity in Christ

Now, I see with clarity: For me, it’s not a choice of one or the other; one cannot truly function without the other. My 'messenger heart' finds its truest expression, its necessary drink, when it’s paired with the strategic mind, the drive to build and expand. One gets parched without the other. This is truly how I'm wired.

It's like a bee needs the flower. My call to deliver truth is incomplete without the drive to see it take root and expand. And conversely, my drive to build would lack divine direction without the deep current of revelation. This isn't just theory or theological jargon for me; it’s the profound, undeniable rhythm of how I'm made. It's the sacred dance of my unique design.

This isn't about claiming titles, position, prowess, or status. My proclamation of having the 'DNA' of both messenger and builder isn't meant to be seen as haughty or exclusive. It's about a deep, settled freedom. I am free to be me, without apology or endless explanation. You don't need my bio to declare it all; just hang out with me, and you'll see.

This mess wasn't a failure; it was a forming. And in this process of being replanted, I'm becoming even more radiantly, authentically, unbound. It's my journey into the life I’m made for—deeply rooted in divine love, radiant with His presence, and gloriously unchained by anything that tried to hold me back.

Our Shared Invitation

And what does this mean for your identity in Christ? Just as God has uniquely wired each of us, He has also uniquely gifted you. Perhaps you’ve felt a similar tension—a calling that doesn't quite fit conventional molds, or a desire for action that others don't seem to share.

Consider how your own unique wiring reflects a facet of God’s creativity. Are you a contemplative soul who brings deep insight, or an active spirit who brings tangible change? Do you discern patterns, or do you inspire hearts? Maybe both? Your unique makeup is not a flaw, but a divine design. In Christ, we are not called to conform to a single mold, but to flourish in the fullness of who He created us to be. His intention is not for us to be carbon copies, but vibrant, diverse expressions of His multifaceted nature.

This is an invitation to lean deeper into the mystery of who God is truly forming you to be. To find the places where your deepest longings meet His divine blueprint for your life.

So, I remain—no longer striving to stitch meaning into what was frayed and worn, but resting in the ache that taught me to feel. In the quiet of settled identity, I have found not arrival, but roots. The unraveling wasn’t the end—it was the beginning of becoming whole in the Presence that never asked me to perform, only to be.

How does the concept of "symbiosis" resonate with your own understanding of how your unique gifts and callings work together?