His sacrifice for my freedom

Recently, I had an encounter with Jesus during which I was reflecting on His sacrifice for me. I visualised the nails that crucified Him and was overcome by His love.

As I did this, I saw Jesus come and look at me with kindness in His eyes.  He said – “My daughter, it’s time to stop putting the nails into yourself and put them into me”.

I was shocked.  I had got so used to condemning myself and giving myself a hard time for messing up.  To be honest, I thought I was totally justified in responding like this.  But Jesus clearly thought otherwise.  He continued, “I want you to take these nails and put them into my flesh”.  I said no.  How could I do that to someone I love so much, knowing that it would cause them more pain than I could ever imagine?

But again, He said, “You must do this.  As you nail your pain and shame to me, it will die, and you will no longer have to carry this heaviness in your heart.  It is the only way.  This is my gift to you. ”  I knew He was right, and in that moment I felt the deep longing in His heart for me to be free.  I knew that if I had the courage to do this, I would experience that freedom that I longed for.

So, one by one, I took the nails.  Each one represented a heavy weight that I had been carrying in my heart for a very long time.  I longed to be free of them.  But in that moment I finally began to see the cost.  Slowly I began to hammer in the first nail.  As I did so, I looked at Jesus.  I knew He was in so much pain, but all He did was look at me with love, as if to say- you’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you!  I was crying.. but as I hammered the nail of shame into Him that had wounded me so much, I felt the shame leave my heart- forever.  

And then I saw the flow of blood from His wounds covering me and washing me clean.  I didn’t need to understand it, rationalise it or feel like I was worth dying for.  I just needed to let it all go and receive the freedom and love that Jesus desperately wanted to give me.  In some ways, I realised I had always had that freedom, but I needed to choose to receive it.

The nails are the only thing that will put to death that which afflicts our hearts and weighs us down with sadness, sorrow and despair.  Will we let those things die on the cross with Jesus so that we can receive the fullness of the new life and freedom that He bought for us at such a cost?  We can’t take those things with us where we’re going.