Sheep: A Fable of Love

You know that story in Luke 15 of the lost sheep that the shepherd leaves the others to find? Well, I’m part of that flock. I’m not that lost sheep, but another.

Growing up, I was always, what you would call, a “good lamb.” I followed the Shepherd. I stayed with the flock. I did what I was supposed to do. But, when I look at the other animals, I felt ashamed to be a sheep.

I, like others, would leave the pen to graze in the fields. When I was no longer a lamb, at times, I would hang out with other animals.

When I was out in the field amongst the cows, chickens and horses, they would ask me, “Are you part of that sheep pen over there? The place where the sheep always follow the Shepherd? I wouldn’t answer. I was ashamed of the pen and the Shepherd.

For a while, I spent time with the chickens. They had a shepherd called the Farmer. The chickens were interesting. Many of them were all about performance – how many eggs could they produce. But some chickens were very devoted to the Farmer. They gave up their life for the Farmer. After watching the chickens for a while, I decided I couldn’t be a chicken. I wasn’t good enough. For that, I was ashamed.

Sometimes after being out of the pen, I would return, my coat all covered in mud. I would say I was sorry and the Shepherd would wash me, but I felt the stain was still there. The more I ventured out of the pen, the more I felt my coat would become stained and again, for that, I was ashamed.

No matter how many times the Shepherd accepted me back into the flock, looked after me and washed me clean, I held onto the shame.

I was also wounded many times – during my trips out of the pen and even when I was grazing with the flock. But my wool covered the wounds. No one could see them, I thought.

When shearing time came, I stayed far away. I couldn't be vulnerable.

As I grew older, I stayed closer to the Shepherd. I didn’t want to venture out, didn’t want to dirty my coat. I yearned to be near the Shepherd, where I was safe and loved.

I wanted to listen to the Shepherd; His voice was good. I wasn’t sure, though. Was I really hearing the Shepherd? Again, I was ashamed.

Over the years, I hung onto it – the shame. The shame of what I had done. The shame of what others had put on me. The shame of what I put on myself. I accepted that it was part of who I was and would always be.

Then one day, not long ago, a wise, but gentle ram, noticed my shame.

“You don’t have to live with that,” he coaxed.

I realised then that I didn’t want to. I no longer wanted to live in shame.

So, my healing began.

I approached the Shepherd and confessed my shame. I repented of holding onto my past, my hurts and my shame. I came, not with shame, but with humility.

The Shepherd forgave – unconditionally. He sheared me and stripped me of all my shame. And, guess what? The wounds I thought I was hiding under my thick, wool coat – they were gone!

“But, the things I did…”, I stumbled over my words. “And the things I thought…”

“I know you completely,” said the Shepherd. “And I love you unconditionally. My love has no bounds. My love covers it all.”

At that moment, I felt it – LOVE. His love. I felt it more deeply than I have felt anything in my life. It was beautiful. It was deep. It was comforting, all-encompassing, overwhelming, amazing. It fully saturated me. It didn’t matter that He knew everything about me.

He wanted me still.

I soaked up His love. I wanted to stay close to the Shepherd. Never leave Him. I wanted to be His now and forever.

And then I knew. Shame was not who I am. Shame was not something I needed to wear.

The Shepherd continued, “Your shame is dead. I killed it on the cross. I now place upon you a crown of honour and a robe of righteousness.  Wear them for my glory.”

I give thanks to my Shepherd that my shame is dead. I no longer live under shame and guilt.

I now cling to these scriptures as a reminder:

Romans 5: 5

and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (ESV)

Isaiah 54:4

Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. (NLT)

Romans 8:1

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Oh, I haven’t told you my name. My given name is Cynthia. The Shepherd says my name is now Thia. (The “Cyn” is gone, removed, crucified.) Thia means the gift of God. Not from God, OF God – “of” meaning I belong to God. He created me for Himself. I know now that that is who I am. I am unique. I am special. I am who my Shepherd created me to be.

By Cindy Winegarden