GREENER GRASS?

 The last thing you need when you’ve experienced a real disappointment or you’re going through a really tough time is some well-meaning person saying that you should be happy because you are more blessed than someone else, or telling you that your problems are not nearly as bad as so-and-so’s problems. I have no idea why people do that. Perhaps they think that, by outlining how tough someone else has it, it will make you feel better.

It doesn’t.

All it does is dump an unhealthy amount of guilt onto the already substantial pile of doo doo that you are trying to deal with. It’s not helpful.

The strange thing is that we often have a tendency to do that to ourselves. I’ve often heard people say (and, if I’m honest, I’ve said it myself many times) “Oh well, it’s doesn’t matter, I should be grateful that I’ve still got ….” followed by a selection of things that you should be grateful for. Now, don’t get me wrong; we discussed the importance of cultivating an attitude of thankfulness, and hopefully, you saw what a powerful tool it is for combating negative influences in our lives. However, it should never be used as a substitute for acknowledging and dealing with the truth of the matter – the fact that you are really disappointed by something (or some things) that have happened.

You’ve probably heard the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side”. Other people’s lives often seem to have ’greener grass’ than ours, don’t they? But being a follower of Christ doesn’t mean your life has to be perfect, or your grass lush and weed-free!  

The truth of the matter is that it’s okay not to be okay.

It really is!

Comparing your circumstances with someone else’s doesn’t do anything except remind you that there will always be someone better off than you, as well as someone worse off than you. To be honest, I’ve found from personal experience that usually, their grass isn’t necessarily greener; it’s just different grass.

So, why is it that we never seem to be satisfied with how Father has made us, the gifts He has given us, or the life He gave us to live? Why do everyone else’s gifts, family, job or life always seem to be better than ours?

It’s the curse of comparison.

My daughter loves art and has produced some beautiful pictures over the years. One year at school, my husband and I went to see a display of the students’ work, and she was excited about showing us her artwork. But when she saw some of the other children’s work that was displayed, she became somewhat disheartened. Just moments before, she had been proud of what she had painted, but after seeing what other kids had produced, she was almost embarrassed about her painting and started verbally pulling it to pieces. “I should have done this better…”, “I don’t think this colour is right, it’s too dark….” “I should have used a different concept; this is too simple…” Why?

The curse of comparison.

Her art was never supposed to be like the others, it was a unique expression of who she was and, if she could only have seen it through clear lenses instead of through the ugly filter of comparison, she would have seen how beautiful it was. The fact that it was different was the best thing about it. The fact that it DIDN’T look like everyone else’s was its best attribute. It was a beautiful expression of her, on paper.

Utterly unique.

Priceless.

         The twelve Israeli spies experienced the curse of comparison when they went into Canaan to spy out the land, and saw the giants. It created fear in them. That fear was so strong that it caused them to reject God’s promise of taking them into the Promised Land to claim their inheritance, and ultimately resulted in them wandering around a wilderness for forty years. Forty years!? My longest wilderness season was fifteen years, and that seemed like a lifetime!

The Bible tells us that they said, “We were like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and so we were in their sight”. There is a real truth in that statement. So often, when we think of ourselves or see ourselves a certain way (i.e. like grasshoppers to be stepped on, insignificant or possibly even annoying), others will start to see us the same way. Without realising it, we begin to act out what we believe about ourselves. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it is as destructive as it is powerful.

We all have challenges to face in our lives, but we will not be able to overcome them if we compare ourselves to other people and see ourselves as mere grasshoppers. In order to and step into the fullness of what God has for us, we must see ourselves as the powerful men and women who He created us to be. 

When you’re going through a tough time, it’s so easy to look at other people and think ‘they never seem to struggle’… We must come to the realisation, however, that we are not responsible for someone else’s successes or disappointments and how they do or don’t handle them. We are responsible, however, for how we deal with our own disappointments, and that’s what we need to focus on.

Rather than compare our situation with someone else’s or deny the fact that we are feeling disappointed, we must learn how to process disappointment so that, instead of shutting down internally (which is what my default used to be), we break the curse of comparison, and grow into deeper maturity.

We must learn to run our own race … but more about that next time!

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Until next time ….

Answer the following questions as honestly as you can:

·       Do I compare my achievements and my life with other peoples?

·       Do I feel that my ‘grass’ is always less green than everyone else’s?

Ask Holy Spirit to show you if there is someone (or more than one person) who you have knowingly or unknowingly been comparing yourself and your life to.

Repent of doing that and ask Him for the grace to accept, and even to love, your own ‘grass’.

I would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions, either by using the contact form, or by adding your comments below.